a good day ruined

For the first time, I feel desperate to write about what’s going on today.

Early in the morning, I was feeling excited to see juniors coming in. I dressed up like others and go to academic building as usual. My friends and I got to see some juniors with their parents around the college. All of them are straight A’s scorer so I expect high of them. Okay. Then we visited some booths selling foods and clothes which I didn’t have any interest at buying them, and suddenly,’ my friend’ asked me to go see our sem 2 result. I did expect that I could at least maintain my result, but I don’t know if I got better or worse.

Firstly, thank God they just display our matrix numbers, not our names. I searched for mine, and I found it. I looked at the score. Okay. I looked at my other friends’ scores. Not okay. My score this time is minus by two from my usual score which I always wanted to maintain them. However this time, I didn’t make it. My friends’ results got better. I am feeling that it is just me who got worse, but I felt that I studied harder than ‘my friend’ but how come the result is like this? I am feeling down to the extent when I think that my teacher was wrong when typing my math result (just this one seems impossible). I thought that I did quite well in math although there were few questions that I didn’t get to answer. I am feeling bad to tell my parents about this as there were just two or three of us who got that low marks and one of them is me. I never get that low before. Plus, my little sis got an honor role in her school, while me? I got worse. I’m feeling alone right now. I don’t know how to talk about this with my parents because I really didn’t expect this. Okay. I’m actually exaggerating about how I’m feeling because it’s just two points less than usual. But I think it makes sense because (a) both my roommates got honor roll except me (b) my little sis got an honor roll too but I got worse result (c) result of ‘my friend’ improved a lot than me which I kind of hard to accept even though I should be happy for her (d) I’m going to attend an event this evening alone cause I expect that ‘my friends’ will join too but in the end, they don’t (this is not related actually but still ruins my mood this morning).

About juniors, I just can say “hi nerds, welcome to this new world. Sorry that I can’t feel excited about all of you anymore today or this week or maybe this month as my mood is already ruined this early in the morning because of that little thing called my sem 2 result.”

Okay. Time to cry silently. 

p/s: Dear blog, sorry that I treat you as my diary. Maybe it's just for today