UNDEFINED FUTURE

not even a single day I missed

thinking of you

worrying about you

caring about you

even during the happiest moment

or the loneliest moment

I never stop being reminded of you

by my own self

in all time

not even a single time when it happens

you give me a definite clue

I cannot be angry nor sad

just because of the curiosity that drives me mad.

Oh you my undefined future

what will it be 

the worries that will never fade

as long as I keep on holding my faith

He will surely guide me through the way

just pray

and pray

Teguran Dari Langit

Setiap detik diperhatikan Sang Pencipta
Tidak pernah Dia lalai dan tidur
Apa kita yakin kita tidak terlepas daripadaNya?
Yang senantiasa hati kotor
Dihujani dosa tanpa sedar

Apakah musibah itu hukuman semata?
Tatkala gembira, nikmat itu apa?
Semua itu adalah daripadaNya
Bergantung kepada kita untuk menilainya

Terkadang hati lalai dan alpa
Dengan kemewahan harta dan nikmat dunia
Ditegur oleh Sang Pencipta
Bersangka baiklah, ianya untuk kita
Tanda cintaNya
kepada kita sang hamba
Agar kita kembali mencintaiNya

Doalah
Agar cinta terhadapNya kian subur, mekar semekar bunga yang tidak pernah layu
Mewangi di taman yang abadi

"Permudahkanlah segala urusan yang terbaik buatku, bagi urusanku di dunia dan di akhirat, dan jauhkanlah daripadaku segala urusan yang tidak elok buatku bagi urusanku di dunia dan di akhirat"

:')

a good day ruined

For the first time, I feel desperate to write about what’s going on today.

Early in the morning, I was feeling excited to see juniors coming in. I dressed up like others and go to academic building as usual. My friends and I got to see some juniors with their parents around the college. All of them are straight A’s scorer so I expect high of them. Okay. Then we visited some booths selling foods and clothes which I didn’t have any interest at buying them, and suddenly,’ my friend’ asked me to go see our sem 2 result. I did expect that I could at least maintain my result, but I don’t know if I got better or worse.

Firstly, thank God they just display our matrix numbers, not our names. I searched for mine, and I found it. I looked at the score. Okay. I looked at my other friends’ scores. Not okay. My score this time is minus by two from my usual score which I always wanted to maintain them. However this time, I didn’t make it. My friends’ results got better. I am feeling that it is just me who got worse, but I felt that I studied harder than ‘my friend’ but how come the result is like this? I am feeling down to the extent when I think that my teacher was wrong when typing my math result (just this one seems impossible). I thought that I did quite well in math although there were few questions that I didn’t get to answer. I am feeling bad to tell my parents about this as there were just two or three of us who got that low marks and one of them is me. I never get that low before. Plus, my little sis got an honor role in her school, while me? I got worse. I’m feeling alone right now. I don’t know how to talk about this with my parents because I really didn’t expect this. Okay. I’m actually exaggerating about how I’m feeling because it’s just two points less than usual. But I think it makes sense because (a) both my roommates got honor roll except me (b) my little sis got an honor roll too but I got worse result (c) result of ‘my friend’ improved a lot than me which I kind of hard to accept even though I should be happy for her (d) I’m going to attend an event this evening alone cause I expect that ‘my friends’ will join too but in the end, they don’t (this is not related actually but still ruins my mood this morning).

About juniors, I just can say “hi nerds, welcome to this new world. Sorry that I can’t feel excited about all of you anymore today or this week or maybe this month as my mood is already ruined this early in the morning because of that little thing called my sem 2 result.”

Okay. Time to cry silently. 

p/s: Dear blog, sorry that I treat you as my diary. Maybe it's just for today

a lesson by nature (while I was sitting on the bus)

I saw the bullets of rain
dancing like a puppet
choreographed by the wind 
across the window of the bus.

I saw the bullets of rain
very strong and brave
went through the hardship
given by the wind
with no fear at all.

'The wind helped us' they say
It's time to realise
It's time to pay back
It's time to face their fated life
There's no other time than this time.

my cursor

An Inspirational Video

Miley Cyrus: The Climb

Friends, where are you?

At times, I wish that I could be someone who is very talkative, cheerful, and free for everyone to be friends with. Somehow, it is not just myself. I enjoy hanging out with friends but yet I couldn't find a friend which I can talk to whenever or wherever I am. Especially during hard times. Maybe it is not a big deal, but things like this is a need for me. Maybe people can suggest me to hang out with anyone, but is it comfortable to hang out with people whose not your type? Of course not. I may be a bit choosy, but the more I think about it, it doesn't really matter who is my close friend. I just like to be friends with everyone. It's just my style, and I'm still getting used to it. Now, I decided to try my very hard to make every single friend I have, are my best friends. Appreciate things and people around you, and you'll be happy :)